Wednesday, August 15, 2007

In Which Max Expresses Displeasure Over Being Weighed And Measured

Max had his two-year check-up this morning, and despite the fact that no shots or painful procedures were required or administered, every single member of The Sutter Davis Pediatric team would be wise to watch their backs from now on. Max did not start out the day despising his doctor. In fact, ever the social butterfly, he said a hale and hearty "HI!" to everyone he saw upon arriving, whether they felt like chatting or not. His good will continued in the waiting room, down the hall, into the office, and right up until the nurse took out the measuring tape. She showed him the tape, and he laughed. She let him touch the tape, and he was enraptured. She attempted to measure the circumference of his head with the tape, and he was instantly and irrevocably the enemy for life of both the nurse and her accursed measuring tape. He was similarly passionate about being weighed, having his ears and eyes looked at, or having his heart listened to. Trying to lay him on the table in order to figure out how tall he was was an ordeal that required the restraining power of the nurse, Ian, and myself to accomplish. As best as we could figure, what with the active resistance, Max is doing great. He is (all measurements are subject to error, since they were taken under duress) about 3 1/2 feet tall, thirty-three pounds, and in the 99.6 percentile for head size. (Granny always thinks that I cruelly mock Max's giant head, but I am just reporting the facts. We saw a graph and everything. Max's head size placed him well above the 'normal' curve and into deep and uncharted noggin territory.) The doctor was also impressed by Max's speed, strength, and vocabulary, and was gracious enough not to point out that Max was using all of these things to avoid/abuse/berate him. To sum up the morning, Max is healthy, happy, humongous (both height and weight are 97th percentile), and opinionated. Also, he is a genius. (The doctor didn't quite say 'genius', but I can read between the lines. He just doesn't want Max to know that he's a genius, or he will become conceited and his head will grow even larger.)


granny said...

Regarding the mocking...remember that he will be responsible for you in your old age. The mocking is well documented and his well developed brain will find many ways to seek revenge.

Chelsa said...

Don't forget what that nurse practitioner said -- Ian and I have big heads, too. Hopefully, while neither of us individually is as smart as Max, our combined giant-headed brain power will allow us to outmanuver him well into our old age. Plus, there's always Maggie to care for us in our twilight years -- I've never said anything about her head at all (mostly because everyone says it looks just like mine).