Monday, October 29, 2007

A Tragic True Story

Once upon a time, Ian had a job that kept him away from his loving family from 9:30 in the morning until 9:00 at night. In order to spend any waking hours with him at all, Ian's wife and son shaped their daily routines in accordance with Ian's, and consequently, the Tillman family had a later than average bedtime. This was less than ideal, and so brave Ian went forth and conquered a different job, one that allowed him more time with his family but necessitated that he rise earlier in the morning. Ian and his devoted wife, Chelsa, began attempting to adjust the bedtimes of their small prince, Max, to match the new schedule. Sadly, the old job had carried with it a powerful curse, locking the young prince's sleep routine into place with the ferocity of a thousand burning suns. Ian and Chelsa struggled in vain to counteract the curse for many moons, but the more they strove to undo what the evil former job had wrought, the more resistance they met.
Ian and Chelsa were at wit's end, their young prince going to sleep later each night, awakening earlier each morning, and gnashing his teeth more strenuously each time bed-related rules were enforced. Thus, they awaited the ending of Daylight saving time with anxious anticipation. Although normally, Daylight saving time met with much grumbling, they were willing to overlook its many inconveniences in light of the small advantage it offered in shifting their son's bedtime curse. When they noticed, yesterday morning, that their computer clock had changed, they rejoiced, and put Max in his bed that night at what he thought was his usual time, but his parents knew to be an hour earlier, thanks to the transformative magic of DST. 72 minutes later, a greatly aggrieved Prince Max finally and unwillingly succumbed to slumber, after over an hour of yelling, weeping, threatening, and generally causing a ruckus. Chelsa and Ian were quite unhappy, but clung to the thin, tattered comfort of the fact that at least he was still asleep no later than usual, since DST had bought them that precious extra hour.
Imagine, then, their confusion and consternation this morning, when the radio declared it an hour later than they knew it to be, as if Daylight saving time had never ended at all! And imagine their further consternation, when a more detailed Internet search revealed that, thanks to George Bush's Energy Policy Act of 2005, Daylight saving time was moved forward a week, and was not therefore ending until Nov. 4. Apparently, Ian and Chelsa's computer clock had not received the memo. Our story therefore ends on a tragic note: Ian and Chelsa felt dumb, were rushed in the morning thanks to losing the hour that they thought they had gained, and, worst of all, realized that instead of going to bed an hour earlier, their stubborn young prince had actually gone to bed over an hour later than usual. The moral of the story, one that we all know but that it never hurts to be reminded of, is that neither George Bush nor Daylight saving time will ever help you undo any kind of curse.


Jabbertrack said...

odd that you did not have that patch... I told the Internet to install it for you like 2 years ago

Chelsa said...

Well, the Internet apparently will not help you undo bedtime curses either.