Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In Which Chelsa Is Irritated By A Number Of Things

Item 1 on my list: Maggie's teeth. Dear Tooth Nubs: Whatever it is that you are doing in there that is making my beloved daughter bite me and keep me up all night, it is important that you stop doing it immediately. Thank you.
Item 2: I found four grey hairs on my head the other day. Dear grey hairs: cease and desist reproducing right now. I am unamused.
Item 3: When I bemoaned the aforementioned grey hairs to Ian, he icily informed me that some people would feel really lucky if they were still growing hair of any color, and that perhaps I should take my luxuriously full-maned self elsewhere with my complaints. And that was the most sympathy I got out of him on that subject.
Item 4: My mother chirpily commented that she has only just now begun to go grey. Arguably even less helpful than Ian. Which is why I am talking to you, Blog.
Item 5: I ordered a dress online, and received the wrong item from the company. This wouldn't be the end of the world, except that the item I received was a pair of jeans with MULTI-COLORED RHINESTONES affixed to the back pockets. I am sad a) that such jeans exist in the world, b) that I am, however briefly, the owner of such a fashion aberration, and c) that when I alerted the company to their error, they offered me a five dollar coupon by way of apology. As if five dollars is enough to compensate for my lost innocence.
Item 6: Max has decided that his stuffed bear is a baby. This is adorable in theory. Rather than care for the bear baby himself, however, Max keeps me continually informed of it's needs (which are considerable), and then demands that I care for it. That hairy little bear baby poops and cries nonstop, and seems quite neurotic, to boot.

That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure more things will aggravate me as the day progresses, so stay tuned.


Anonymous said...

Just so you know, I have had grey hair for years now. There also seems to be a curious hole in my haircut (top and back). Very puzzling.

Greympa Al

Aunt C said...

Sadly, grey started for me at 21, and I can remember exactly where and when so I know how you feel. Fortunately we have the technology to fix it, and there are worse things (maybe).

Auntie Penny said...

Trust me Chelsa, the old wives tale about pull one grey hair and 100 come to the funeral is soooooo true. I found 5 one day and pulled them out, next day 5,000 were there. I know you are saying...oh auntie P..come on, but its true. Now i can't tell the grey from the brown and when i do think about pulling one, i think twice because i may just wake up the next day looking like my grandma.

Chelsa said...

I plan to solve the entire grey hair dilemma with hair dye and selective memory. I will also be looking into a newer, more sympathetic spouse and mother. As for Maggie, I am thinking that I will let her chew on the hairy bear baby until he is silent about his problems and she has soothed her sore teeth. I am nothing if not a problem-solver.

granny said...

I think the M.U.M.I.S.M.O.N.K.E.Y. union has rules about this. In fact, one of the rules states that "once a child has reached the age of 30 and has grey hairs, s/he may not fire his/her mother". Unless you're willing to risk a lawsuit, I think that's the end of that discussion.

Chelsa said...

You can stay on, at least until I can train a replacement.