Wanted for questioning: Max Tillman, baby criminal mastermind. Alleged Crimes: Attempted diaper evasion, engaging authorities in chase maneuvers, attempted computer hacking, using a loaded weapon to urinate on the carpet. Description: Height: @ Three feet. Weight: @ 26 pounds. Hair: Blonde and tufty. Eyes: Blue. Last seen wearing stripy blue pajamas.
Warning! Do not under any circumstances attempt to engage or capture this fugitive. He is reported to be armed (weapon seen here) and extremely dangerous. If you should spot this naked booty anywhere in or near Davis, California, immediately contact authorities.
Criminal M.O.: Max has been known to use his giant eyes and disarming cuteness to hypnotize his potential victims into a false sense of safety. He is not opposed to using biological warfare to further his aims. Committing crimes in a state of complete undress is his trademark. Citizens in Davis or surrounding regions should take the following steps to ensure their safety: 1) Keep extra diapers (huggies, size 5) on hand at all times. Should Max catch you unawares, he will almost certainly pee on you, or worse. 2) Keep all computer equiptment, television remotes, and sensitive paperwork under lock and key at all times. Not only is Max a master climber and hacker, but he may very well pee on or shred your ID or other paperwork. 3) Most importantly, do not pick up or squeeze the fugitive at any time, especially when he is naked. No matter how huggable he seems, or how recently he has peed, the danger is very real and should be taken seriously.
The City Of Davis thanks you for your help and cooperation, and will keep you updated as to the status of our search for Max. May God bless and protect us all.